Angst Anarchy

Let’s Gripe, Let’s Share, Join an Online Therapy Session

Angst_bitch session_victoria sawyerSo I want to try something new around these parts, something more community minded because frankly, I want to get to know more of you out there in blog land and secondly I’m really tired of hearing myself yammer on about stuff.

I want some…communication!

I don’t want to be the so called “sage on the stage”  (stole that from University professors, but you get the idea), I want to be part of a community!  I want to talk with you, not at you.  If this idea appeals to you, join me in a Bitch Session or as some might call it an Airing of Grievances or maybe an Online Therapy Session, whatever floats your boat.  Because guess what?  We’re all emotional creatures, we all have problems in our lives and getting advice from our fellow human beings with similar experiences is really the best way to solve them. So what I want to do here is to have people post problems, questions, conundrums, or links to your blog where you discuss a problem in the comments section and I’ll reply and hopefully other bloggers will reply to you as well!  Do you want to play?  Get in the sandbox!  And I hope to do this with some frequency if you all will help me build an amazing sandcastle.

I’ll start…

I’ve never admitted this to you guys before, but I’m going to here in the hopes that you can let me know what you think.  So I’m an author, I’ve published a book, yippee, right?  All is well!  Ok, nope.  So here’s the problem, my family doesn’t know!  Well, I’ll clarify, my immediate family, my parents and brother know (although my parents have been banned from reading it), but no one else in my family knows.  Not my aunts, or uncles or cousins or second cousins twice removed.  None of them!  They don’t know about my blog, they don’t know I’m attempting to tweet, they don’t even know I’m a serious writer.  Whoa, I know.  And it’s been really hard to pursue this without some kind of automatic fan base.

The reason I’m keeping them in the dark is two fold.

The biggest reason is that my family is rather religious and conservative and if you’ve read my book or even this blog you’ll know that I’m…a bit wild for their tastes.  I like to swear, my book is full of scandal and I’m kind of a big mouth.  Most specifically, I don’t want them to read my book because even though it’s fiction, some of the things in my novel did happen to me in some way or other although not how I present them in the book and I know they will assume that everything in the book is 100% me and exactly as it happened to me as well.  The truth is…it’s kind of like my “teenage skeletons” that I tried desperately to hide from them for years and I don’t want them judging me or gossiping about me.  This is almost a facepalm moment because, yeah, I wrote a book about it.  I published it.  Ha, joke is on me.

Can you please just imagine your conservative elderly grandma reading a book about your college escapades?  Didn’t think so!  😉

The second reason is that my book is about panic attacks and anxiety and while some of them know a teeny-tiny part about this, most of them are completely in the dark and I really don’t want to broadcast it to them.  I’ve told some of my friends about my novel and my panic attacks, but my family basically doesn’t know.  Now, I know…I claim to be about honesty and I am!  I really am.  How does it feel to know that I’m being a coward in some way?  I can share my novel, I can put all my thoughts out there for the entire world to read, however…my family, it’s a different story.  Part of me hates having this big secret and fearing that they will find out.

So what do you think?

Should I tell them?  And if I do, how should I let them know?  I certainly love them, but I don’t want to blast them with something this personal.  I know, this is ridiculous.  It’s funny because I can share so much personal stuff with the blogging world or the world at large, but my own family doesn’t know.  So…be my therapist.  Tell me what you think!

And start the conversation below!

Tell me your problems, tell me those things that keep you up at night and read what others have to say.  Comments galore!  Bitch seshhhhh!  Chat!  Conversate with me!  Please, please don’t leave a girl hanging, talk!  (Ideas for our conversation, but not limited to:  Mental Health, Money, Relationships, Work, Insanity, Problems with Time, Etc.)

Comments

16 responses to “Let’s Gripe, Let’s Share, Join an Online Therapy Session”

  1. Dave Avatar
    Dave

    Ok, I have a bitch at myself. Why am I so fucking hard on ME? I really dont understand it. I mean, I know Im weird, like I know I dont think like the masses of go to work bust my ass and the count my change at the end of the day. I dont really give a flying rats ass about all that shit anymore. But I played the game..I know the whole deal. Work your ass off for someone who could give a shit about you. I did it in the Marines and then as a commercial electrician. Then when I got sick and almost keeled over from meningitis I was all of a sudden an outcast.. Couldn’t get a job because I was damaged goods. Not that the job is oh sooo fucking great anyways I mean even as an electrician making 1000 bucks a week I was still taxed 400 bucks out of that so whats the fucking point? I know dumpster divers who are happy with living off the grid and not getting caught up. So I put the middle finger up to it all and low and behold the VA ends up pulling me back in and sent me to therapy. The therapy was a joke. I got a calming CD of music out of it, waterfalls and shit. I mean cmon…Id much rather be tucking into a big fat tube on a ten foot wave than dealing with all that shit. Surfing was always my outlet so when I did go to California a few months ago I surfed like a madman, soaking in all I could before getting back on the plane to fly back to NC, where there are zero waves. Back in the 80s when I was 20 something and in the Marines I told the colonel at the Marine Corps Barracks where I was assigned I wanted the fuck out of the Marines. He said what are you gonna do? I said. Surf. lol So, he sent me on leave back to Cali to surf and “get it out of my system.” I thought that was cool so I went and met up with my buds who I surfed with and we surfed like old times. Then I had to go back to japan and finisih up my service. So, I went back and this time took my surfboard on the plane and surfed when I was off on the weekends. Unfortunately I also had a girlfriend who was in the Navy and she got caught in my room by the security and I spent 45 days mowing the colonels lawn. Yea…I was a bad seed..but I did get an honorable discharge eventually. so fast forward to now. I feel like I try so hard but get absolutely nowhere. I find myself miserable because I know its not about money. I had 50 grand before I got sick and I was in a hotel in Arizona and had 10 grand in cash and I spread it out on the bed (All 20s) and I felt like wow,,this is what people are all killing themselves over. A bunch of fuckin paper so they can go to Walmart and buy a new camera or whatever. I dont buy into all the shit. I feel its a bunch of crap. Ive had and lost. So, why is it Im so fucking hard on myself now? I mean Ive lived a life of alot of shit. A suicide by my dad, an abusive mother in law, kicked out of the house at 17 and been on my own ever since. Ive had to dumpster dive before back in my early 20s when I could find a job and life was all fucked up. It sucked. I even wrote a little book about it here…http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Reformed-Dumpster-Diver-ebook/dp/B0080Z7MO4/ Its funny but it is reality. Then I went from that to getting all straight and completing a four year electrical school. So now I am in a town where I know absolutely no one. They think a surfboard is a fucking sled. So, as an author who kind of fell into it all by chance I wonder why I am so hard on myself. I don’t have to go to a job or rather, there’s no real job out there for me anymore. Its quite obvious. So, I write. Ironically The Sunshine Murders has been selling ok but I think it could of been much better, even with my cognitive impairments due to to the illness that btw competely sucks ass. Ok, so maybe someone can outdo me on this bitch session. I only like to call it like I see it and I see alot of BS, Im just one of those quiet ones until my Irish temper begins to rear its ugly face. My new book Im struggling through is called “Love Me Till We Die.” It’s coming along well I guess but sometimes I wonder what the fuck I’m doing. Thanks for letting me vent Victoria, just dont slap me because Im beingso damn straight forward!

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  2. Victoria Sawyer Avatar
    Victoria Sawyer

    Hey I love the honesty and we’ve all got our crazy mental shit. I agree that we do seem to be stuck in this money making circle that we can’t escape. I would love to quit my job and do what I love and say screw money and the 9-5, but I feel like I’m stuck! I have bills, I have “a life” I guess. But does any of that stuff really matter? I don’t really think so. But I am stuck and too afraid to bust out of the rut. I have a few friends who don’t have full time jobs working for “the man” like I do and I envy them! But the stress they also deal with must be pretty crazy at times. So it’s a toss up. Work for the man, sell your soul, hate it every second, spend your life hating it, or do what you want but struggle more? I don’t know! Tough stuff. Sounds like you’ve had a pretty rough life, but at least you enjoy writing, you have that. And don’t worry, I don’t think any of us really know what we’re doing, but we do it and we have guts, to put what we’ve created out into the world and that is special. So don’t be hard on yourself. Easier said than done cause I’m hard on myself all the time. Good luck! Just do what you love! There’s nothing wrong with shunning material objects and living the life of the surfer/writer.

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  3. belindawilliamsbooks Avatar
    belindawilliamsbooks

    Wow, great idea! Oooh, your problem is a tough one, Vic. If your book was just pure fiction, then I’d suggest it would be easier to distance yourself from the subject matter…I know with Radiant, there was a certain cringe factor when I realised people who knew me would be reading the raunchy bits, but then it was easy to get over myself because paranormal romantic suspense is a far call from my real life! Honestly? I probably wouldn’t tell them…yet, anyway. What’s the next thing you’re working on? Maybe down the track if you have more than one book and the other book isn’t so closely related to your life, it would be easier to tell them, “Yeah, hey, btw, I’ve been doing this writing thing!” It’s early days. You could possibly start to mention that you’ve been doing some writing as a hobby (I’ve had friends writing for years and I’ve never seen anything they’ve written!) That way, you’re still sharing your love of something you’re passionate about.

    As for me, well, there’s always things I can whine about, but I’m a bit shy compared to you 😉 How about I’ve just finished the first draft of my second book and I’m wondering where on earth I’m going to find the money to pay an editor this time around because I’ve been spending more time on my writing and less time on my paying work and now I’m crying the impoverished creative! Woe is me! Ah, work will pick up again and then I’ll be stressing because I don’t have enough time to write. A viscous circle and I’m luckier than most, I realise. Wow, I’m not doing very well at this bitch session am I?! I think I just counselled myself 😉

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    1. Victoria Sawyer Avatar
      Victoria Sawyer

      I actually like that advice! I sometimes feel like I must be some kind of wus if I refuse to tell my family but I guess others understand how I feel with the kind of book I’ve written. So yeah…maybe eventually I’ll tell them. There is one person I wish I could tell sooner because she’s my age and she writes as well, but I’m still not sure because I don’t know if she could keep the secret from the rest of our family.

      About your issue, I know what you mean. My editor did it for free with the first book, but I think only the first one is free (she’s a friend of mine, hence doing it for free)! You might be able to find someone to read for you as a first pass and save the expensive editor until you’re a bit further along. If you need someone to read for you, I’d be willing just to give feedback about story line, character, plot, pace etc. I’m not quite as good at the grammar type stuff. But hey…you’ve made writer friends, we are always here to help you out with a suggestion when it comes to writing! Myself, I’m struggling with which story to pursue next! I’ve started the second installment with Victoria and I have 2 other stories that have a decent amount of writing in them. What I want is something exciting for a change…but the appeal of writing Victoria’s second story is also there. Hmmm…what to do!

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  4. authorsawilliams Avatar
    authorsawilliams

    Hey, I sympathize. I too have kept family (and most friends) in the dark about my writing because they would tend to make assumptions that (even though it’s fiction) I must feel the way my characters do about life events that are sometimes the underlying premise of said fiction. (I can actually visualize my mother doing her whole guilt/blame “I did the best I could, you know” routine if she were to read my work…never fun. It’s so true that keeping those folks in the dark makes it all the more difficult to get a reader base going (for example, I’m sure I’d have a few more high-rated reviews if my friends had read my work, not that they’d be objective, but perhaps that would be a springboard to more readers, more reviews, etc. etc.).

    So anyway, great post, and great insight. Looking forward to seeing what others have to say on this topic.

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    1. Victoria Sawyer Avatar
      Victoria Sawyer

      It’s nice to hear from someone else who has the same difficulties about family. I would love to tell them, but yea…some pretty scandalous stuff happens in my novel and I just cringe even imagining them reading it and thinking about me! And you are right, it does hurt your ability to start off strong with sales/readers. I feel like I’m all alone in this. I only have a few FB “likes” because I can’t post it on my regular facebook page and so I’m missing that automatic base. It’s tough. Oh and welcome to the blog world! You’ll love it. I know I do and I only started a few months ago. Now look at me with something like 68 blog posts. Craziness! I’m an addict, fo sho.

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  5. caseyvoight Avatar
    caseyvoight

    What!? Our families are suppose to be a good reader base? Geez, I tell mine I wrote a novel and they’re like “Hmm, that’s cool, you planning any vacations this summer?” LOL. Part of me says, you are who you are and never be ashamed of that. Your book is fiction so who’s to say what really happened vs. what was made up. I think telling them you are a writer and have/are pursuing several projects will allow you to feel less like you are hiding from them. Those that are truly interested will inquire and you can decide, based on who it is, just how detailed you want to go with them. Give them a disclaimer if they ask to read it so they are not caught off guard. You can always say you were assigned the character in a college writing class and just went with it (After much research of course) 😉

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  6. Victoria Sawyer Avatar
    Victoria Sawyer

    OMG. Ha! I agree that most people have a terribly short attention span. However, you’d have to know my family. They are nosy like nobody’s business! They want all the gossip and knowing that I wrote a book, their little ears would perk right up and they’d want to read it to see what kind of things come out of my head! ha! I can just imagine them at a family party, crowding around me, wanting the news and there are LOTS of them too and most especially cousins. You should see them ask me if I’m pregnant. I can’t keep a straight face and I’m NOT. I do love them however, like crazy, the darlings.

    That being said, it’s difficult to basically be two people. Then again, do I want others to know, like everyone on my real FB page?! I dunno. It’s too personal I think. Plus with the blog, I’ve really just about admitted everything! Opps! But I do agree…being who you are is important. Slowly I think I am learning to accept who I am and to share and I think over time I’ll only grow more able to do so. Oh and yeah…I’d have more exposure if I used my real FB page to promote, but alas I go without.
    I do kinda like your idea of telling them slowly that I’m in to writing. That might just work. Ease the sweet things into it!

    Thanks for stopping by Casey! PS the book is packaged and will hopefully go in the mail very soon. Just you wait and see what kind of scandal I have in store for you! You’ll probably be like…oh…yea..totally clear with this now! 😉

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  7. Dave Avatar
    Dave

    Wow yea theres alot of stuff going on here. But yea I figured as such. writing is an ….uh emotional journey even if your trying to write a fiction book about something cool like space walking Elephants…uh…yea..ok. Maybe not that. Its one of those things that takes your imagination to a new level and sometimes it can be scary. Like I hope Im not becoming the character in my book or why the hell would anyone think of a story like that? Maybe a madman? I dont know…I think its weird but then it is a weird orld we live in.

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  8. Euforilla Avatar
    Euforilla

    My family, close family in this case (mom, dad, aunts & co) don’t know I have a blog.
    Heck, they don’t even know I have a facebook account!
    Only my brother does, and I’ve just recently started to sign all my emails with my blog address, even emails to my mom&co… I don’t know if they took the time to check it out…
    Basically now I’m at the point where they potentially know about my blog, but I never openly told them I do, nor they ever told me they’ve found it… so…

    I do get why you’re not comfortable in telling your family about your writing, maybe one day you’ll do, maybe not… as long as you’re comfortable with your choices (and yes, this is one of those sentences where I write “you” but I could be as easily writing “me”!!!)

    (Came here from problogger :))

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    1. Victoria Sawyer Avatar
      Victoria Sawyer

      It’s so nice to hear that others are dealing with the same thing as me. Thanks for stopping by! I have no idea why it’s so hard to come out of the writing closet to our families. So we write, so what!? I guess it’s because writing is really a pretty personal thing and to know your family could be “judging” what you write and the thoughts/ideas that come out of your head is sort of nerve racking. Also OMG…I love those sentences where you write YOU but you mean…Me. I do that all the time. Oh and yea ProBlogger! That’s a pretty amazing site for us in the closet writers/bloggers. Cheers!

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  9. aliceatwonderland Avatar
    aliceatwonderland

    I gave my mother one or two of my blog articles (I have a humor blog) and she read them and didn’t even crack a smile. WTF. I wanted to yell “look, I have followers that think I’m freaking hilarious! Bite me!” You know, mature stuff like that. But it’s no big deal, really, because I also have a potty mouth and while not religious, my parents are the most conservative liberals you’ll ever meet.

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    1. Victoria Sawyer Avatar
      Victoria Sawyer

      Good God that’s just wrong! Your own mother! Usually it’s like…the kids are picking on me mom! And mom is quick to soothe and tell you how awesome you are. This time we have to remind you how awesome you are because your mother is so mean as to not even crack a tiny smile, even just a smile to make you feel good, like a pity smile. My goodness, the HUMANITY!!! Don’t worry Alice, we love you, even if your mean mom doesn’t. BTW I like what you wanted to yell…I would do that too. I’d probably throw a mini temper tantrum like I did when I was a kid…just to show her who’s grown up!

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  10. Tammy Eakes Avatar
    Tammy Eakes

    I don’t think you should tell your family. You aren’t losing that big of a fan base by not telling them. Besides, from what you are saying they won’t be fans anyhow! HA My family and even some of my “friends” don’t know the real me. I am very fortunate that I have a husband who loves all of my deep dark sides and I can share them with him. My other outlet is sharing online. It’s just nice to be anonymous sometimes!
    My “bitch” today is skinny, prissy, weak, dependent bitches. I fckg hate them! I hate everything about them. I hate how they flip their hair, purse their lips, fuss over their thighs, never eat a damn thing but lettuce, and obsess over doing 3 hours of cardio a day. I hate how they purr at men. I hate how they look for self validation from everyone they come into contact with. I hate how you can’t say hello to them without them thinking you are flirting with them. Ugh. I just hate them. So, there you have it – that’s my bitch for the day!
    My blog, NoSkinnies, encourages the opposite behavior! I found you on problogger Discussion Post contest. I am participating too.

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    1. Victoria Sawyer Avatar
      Victoria Sawyer

      I take it that you really love duck face and selfies as well? Am I right? Admit that just sounds dirty!! I’m lucky in that my husband likes me however I happen to be, thick or thin. Mostly…not too thin though. haha. Although some of those thin girls have self image problems and don’t realize they are so thin! I know I’ve met some people blogging that have eating disorders and that really messes with your head. To you or me, they look insane thin, but to them, the think they are huge or unattractive. Tough stuff. However, selfies, selfish people and skanky ones…not coooool!!

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      1. Tammy Eakes Avatar
        Tammy Eakes

        haha. Yeah, not a fan of the duck face and selfies either. I do, however, recognize that there are many young girls out there with body image issues and who truly do feel that they will never be perfect but long for it with every breath. My heart goes out to these girls because I have been there and done that. Thank God that phase of my life is over. I hope to help a few of those lost soles out of their own minds through my NoSkinnies blog which promotes positive body image and basically not giving a rats ass what anyone else thinks. As for the others girls though – the ditzy “the world revolves around me and big fake boobs” girls…yeah, I’m not a fan. LOL

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