VS
Author Victoria Sawyer
Bring Me To Life
New novel coming soon!
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Sexy Canning = Botulism
Mr. VS and I were quite domesticated (like badly behaved pets) this fall and we tried some canning from the bounty of the land, i.e. our garden. BTW…we totally have a farm or something minus any animals except cats – cat farm? Our farm has no name currently but it could be called Poison Ivy…
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Forget the Lifetime Failure Tally: Look Ahead
I’ve now officially (you heard it here) been informed, through an article online that I cannot find again (did it really exist??) that I should be looking toward the future and not at the past. Mr. VS also recently told me that millionaires and highly successful people refuse to see failure and instead are always…
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My Body is a Polluted Bombed Out Wasteland
So as you might know, I’ve been on meds (Zoloft for anxiety/panic attacks) for about a year and a half. Prior to this med-circus I’m partaking in now, I had been off meds for 3.5 years. And before that I was on them for about 8 years and prior to that I was medication free…
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Broken, The Internet Is
So there are some people out there that think they are going to break the internet with their ass. These ‘people’ shall remain nameless since I can’t stand to toot their horn more than it has already been tooted by everyone else on the planet. However, I do have a few things to say on…
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A Case of “the Uglies” with Mincing and Ogling
Yesterday I had a mean case of the uglies. It’s sort of like the “mondays” but it’s the uglies instead. I don’t mean, I was ugly, as in I was horrible to be around or my mood was hideous or anything like that. What I mean is that I felt…hideous, physically. Yes, yesterday I was…
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Wife Competitions of Which We are Unaware
This title just gets me. It’s like backward. Anyway…don’t get it into your little sick heads that this is about wife swapping or anything so scandalous as all that. Although of course that’s the first place my sick little head went as I wrote this even though I know what I’m going to write about. …
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Decoy Duck
I have a new friend and he’s a decoy duck. He’s old and his black paint is wearing off. He’s sort of cool, if you’re into that kind of thing, although he doesn’t have a fancy paint job or racing stripes. He’s a pretty plain guy and my cat tries to body slam him on…
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An Exercise in Writing
My blog stats recently have been abysmal. Less than abysmal. Sad. Sorry. Tragic. I realize that I’ve slacked terribly on promotion of any kind and my frenzy of last year has abated like the calm after a hurricane…. and so I am left with…crickets. But you know what? I decided to change my attitude about…
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Much Biting Ensues; And Sibling Torture (Wolfenstein 3D Edition)
So a friend sent me a link to this blog…. Hyperbole and a Half. Allie is freaking awesome and hilarious. I’ve been manically reading all of her posts over the last few days. I’m like…stalking her…but not in a stalkerish-stalkery way. I’m just like…reading the stuff she put out there on the FREE interwebs without…
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If You’re So Smart, You Rig Up My Life!!
I’ve been spending a bit of time thinking about submission. Actually, wait, that’s the wrong word. That sounds a bit too sexual for what I’m trying to get at…the right word is surrender. Now get your mind out of the gutter and join me in the untouchable ether of thoughts, emotions, the ego and of…
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Dammit Write a Blog Post!!
“Dammit write a blog post for gawd’s sake!!!” This is what I’ve been saying to myself for the past 2 weeks. And I have stuff I could write about, but I’ve been refusing to write ANYTHING at all. It’s the holidays afterall and I’ve been super ridic busy and yes, lazy as sin. Santa should…
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New Friends, Anxiety Relief, Creativity Fail and Inspiration Desperation
Coherence be damned! This is gonna be a weird post. I have so many random things going on in my head. I feel like these are the most uninteresting posts to read where someone writes about several things…but unfortunately for you, I’ve got nothing else that’s inspiring me at the moment that would make a…
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This Season of USA is Lit!
These writers on this season of the USA are doing a bang up job keeping us on the edge of our seats! Let’s just hope they’re not like the writers for LOST! Buckle up for some existential rambling DREAD below! (Don’t worry, it’s…
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The Happy Forgotten Place Where Plastic Lives: The Landfill
Remember that place the so-called Landfill? I know you’re like…”What? No? What place? I don’t recall anything like that.” (All said while avoiding eye contact). Well, I’m here to point your attention in the direction of your local landfill, filled not with LAND…
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This is Why We’re All Overweight
I’ve done a little thinking on the topic and I’ve come up with several reason why we’re all overweight and continue to gain the old lbs. The equation looks something like this: unhappiness + depression + meaninglessness + boredom + our modern culture…
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Stuck in a Style Year
As you age, you may at some point notice that you are stuck in a style year. It’ll creep up on you until suddenly you put the puzzle pieces together and realize with a moment of sheer embarrassed terror that you, who are of course, forever young, are officially stuck in a style year of…
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Insta-Replay for Bloggers, Writers and Artists
I was watching the news this morning and they were doing a recap of high school football and they kept showing instant replays of all the amazing catches and long runs that the high school students were doing at their foose-ball games. There were even hometown heros and VIP’s and whatnot. I thought to myself…it must be pretty snazzy…
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The Evil Glowing Machine
The last few days I’ve been getting a headache at work while staring at my computer. This is getting really annoying. I’ve found that staring at the computer makes my eyes hurt because it’s glowing with an evil florescent light. When I stop looking at the sparkly bright screen and start looking elsewhere at things…
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Satan’s Girlfriend: It’s Getting Fiery Up in Here
I don’t know how many of you weak little humanoid types have noticed that it’s getting a bit fiery up in Earth’s grill. It’s summer, so yeah, it makes sense as far as the ubiquitous summer words: hot and grill are concerned, however have you noticed that there are dire predictions of despair involving wild…
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Thieves with Ladders
I’ve always had a more than healthy dose of “stranger danger.” So locking doors is a favorite past time, as well as worrying, fruitlessly, about the “bad guys” and how surely they’re coming for me. Call me Negative Nancy, I’ll answer in the affirmative, call me Worrying Wendy, I’ll say, hey wassup? Call me Paranoid…
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Mental Gymnastics: Sarcasm Promotes Creativity
I just heard the most amazing bit of news to come my way in quite a long time. This is a GAME CHANGER PEOPLE! The news: Sarcasm promotes creativity and is good for the office. BOO YA! What this means is that I am #winning at being an office team mate and #winning at creativity. What…
Angst Anarchy 