VS
Author Victoria Sawyer
Bring Me To Life
New novel coming soon!
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Sexy Canning = Botulism
Mr. VS and I were quite domesticated (like badly behaved pets) this fall and we tried some canning from the bounty of the land, i.e. our garden. BTW…we totally have a farm or something minus any animals except cats – cat farm? Our farm has no name currently but it could be called Poison Ivy…
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Forget the Lifetime Failure Tally: Look Ahead
I’ve now officially (you heard it here) been informed, through an article online that I cannot find again (did it really exist??) that I should be looking toward the future and not at the past. Mr. VS also recently told me that millionaires and highly successful people refuse to see failure and instead are always…
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My Body is a Polluted Bombed Out Wasteland
So as you might know, I’ve been on meds (Zoloft for anxiety/panic attacks) for about a year and a half. Prior to this med-circus I’m partaking in now, I had been off meds for 3.5 years. And before that I was on them for about 8 years and prior to that I was medication free…
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Broken, The Internet Is
So there are some people out there that think they are going to break the internet with their ass. These ‘people’ shall remain nameless since I can’t stand to toot their horn more than it has already been tooted by everyone else on the planet. However, I do have a few things to say on…
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A Case of “the Uglies” with Mincing and Ogling
Yesterday I had a mean case of the uglies. It’s sort of like the “mondays” but it’s the uglies instead. I don’t mean, I was ugly, as in I was horrible to be around or my mood was hideous or anything like that. What I mean is that I felt…hideous, physically. Yes, yesterday I was…
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Unfortunate Styling: The Skinny Jean
People the world over have fallen hard for the skinny jean trend (Jean or jeans, plural or not? Who the hell knows?). For those not in the know or who love ridiculous and exaggerated descriptions, a skinny jean is a jean that is skin tight, not unlike the notorious and nefarious pajama jean (see reference…
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Anxiety & Career: Yup, I’m Angry, Frustrated, Resentful and Unfulfilled
If you’ve ever suffered from any sort of anxiety disorder, you’ll get me when I say that anxiety makes me really angry. It’s not because anxiety in itself sucks, which it does, a lot, it’s more about how much it drops bombs on your life, your life goals, your happiness and your self-esteem. You can’t…
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Did you Capture your Moments Today?
If you didn’t capture ALL your “special” moments today on social media, they’ll be LOST FOREVER!! CAPTURE THEM NOW!!! CAPTURE THEM NOW OR LIVE A SHITTY MEANINGLESS MOMENTLESS LIFE!! I just read an article on Slate about “Moments.” “Moments” (I’ve deemed they should be in quotes) are supposedly any special event or happening, really any…
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Like Me, Oh Please Like Me!
Ok we’re getting a little desperate around these parts lately in the “tone” of our posts. Note to self, stop being disgusting! haha. I kid! I want you guys to like my new Facebook page! I need 30 likes before I can pick my own url etc, so get over there and help a sister…
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Winner! And My V-Day Poem Explained!
So, amazingly, somehow, don’t ask me how, the winner of my raffle is Jocelyn Dex! I swear to you guys on everything I hold dear that I didn’t rig this thing! I just hit the button for Rafflecopter to let me know who the winner was and her name literally popped up. So, congrats Jocelyn! …
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Imagine a Sexy Raging Frat Party
Sexy, scandalous and…crazy. Let me take you on a journey in your imagination: Imagine a raging Halloween party at a dirty frat. Imagine a small college party at an apartment just off campus, smoke billowing through the air from a glass pipe as you inhale and exhale, coughing, suddenly lightheaded and…free. Imagine playing asshole with…
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From the Business End of a Loaded Handgun
Hello All, in honor of my book being available for purchase today on Amazon, here, I wanted to share this serious post about Suicide as this is one of the themes that is dealt with in my novel. Now whatever you do, do not look up suicide on google images like I just did, there…
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I’m Just a Day Away!
Hi all, just a quick update. I’m really excited because I’m very close to publishing my novel. I’m doing a final reading now to catch any last formatting, grammatical or other errors and then I’m uploading my novel! I can’t believe I’ve come this far. Stay tuned and I’ll let you know when it’s finally…
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This Season of USA is Lit!
These writers on this season of the USA are doing a bang up job keeping us on the edge of our seats! Let’s just hope they’re not like the writers for LOST! Buckle up for some existential rambling DREAD below! (Don’t worry, it’s…
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The Happy Forgotten Place Where Plastic Lives: The Landfill
Remember that place the so-called Landfill? I know you’re like…”What? No? What place? I don’t recall anything like that.” (All said while avoiding eye contact). Well, I’m here to point your attention in the direction of your local landfill, filled not with LAND…
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This is Why We’re All Overweight
I’ve done a little thinking on the topic and I’ve come up with several reason why we’re all overweight and continue to gain the old lbs. The equation looks something like this: unhappiness + depression + meaninglessness + boredom + our modern culture…
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Welcome to my Unconscious Mind: 23 Weird-Ass Dreams
While I was enjoying a nice long vacation (are you jealous?! HAHA!! STOP…HOLD THAT THOUGHT: this is an old post and now there’s no longer cause for jealousy because there are 5 day work weeks stretching out into infinity) ANYWAY, I was noticing that I have a lot of weird-ass dreams. In particular it came…
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2 Kitten Power
There are 2 kinds of men in the world, those that want to go out of their way to help women lift heavy objects and those that feel women are as strong as men and can help themselves. Guess which kind of man Mr. VS happens to be? That’s right, he’s the kind that believes…
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A Mister Mister Holiday Tragedy
When I walked in the door the other day after work, Mr. VS was grooving around the kitchen while listening to Mister Mister and simultaneously baking chocolate chip cookies. He has a Mister Mister record on vinyl. It was blasting in all its 80’s glory. It was embarrassing. But then I noticed the huge bottles of Jameson…
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Myspace to My Place ~ a love story
Today I’m going to bring you guys back in time! (BACK IN TIMEEEE!!) via a sweet time machine DeLorean so you can witness how Mr. VS and I met. Yes, it was online and yes we had a blind date (sorta) and yes I was afraid that Mr. VS was a murderer. Before we jump into…
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My Waste Toner Cartridge Needs Replacement
When I say my waste toner cartridge needs to be replaced, what I really mean is that there is waste that needs eliminating. And what I mean by that is that my body seems to need to eliminate waste all the freaking time and I’m over it. Let’s just get over the ew factor here…
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An Awkward Encounter: BFF Edition
Have you ever had a really awkward encounter with someone you’re quite close to? Have you ever seen someone “out of context” and it made your brain feel all funny and mushy and you couldn’t speak like an edu-macated homo-sapien? An occurrence like this happened to me just the other day with my friend Annie…
Angst Anarchy 