VS
Author Victoria Sawyer
Bring Me To Life
New novel coming soon!
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Sexy Canning = Botulism
Mr. VS and I were quite domesticated (like badly behaved pets) this fall and we tried some canning from the bounty of the land, i.e. our garden. BTW…we totally have a farm or something minus any animals except cats – cat farm? Our farm has no name currently but it could be called Poison Ivy…
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Forget the Lifetime Failure Tally: Look Ahead
I’ve now officially (you heard it here) been informed, through an article online that I cannot find again (did it really exist??) that I should be looking toward the future and not at the past. Mr. VS also recently told me that millionaires and highly successful people refuse to see failure and instead are always…
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My Body is a Polluted Bombed Out Wasteland
So as you might know, I’ve been on meds (Zoloft for anxiety/panic attacks) for about a year and a half. Prior to this med-circus I’m partaking in now, I had been off meds for 3.5 years. And before that I was on them for about 8 years and prior to that I was medication free…
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Broken, The Internet Is
So there are some people out there that think they are going to break the internet with their ass. These ‘people’ shall remain nameless since I can’t stand to toot their horn more than it has already been tooted by everyone else on the planet. However, I do have a few things to say on…
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A Case of “the Uglies” with Mincing and Ogling
Yesterday I had a mean case of the uglies. It’s sort of like the “mondays” but it’s the uglies instead. I don’t mean, I was ugly, as in I was horrible to be around or my mood was hideous or anything like that. What I mean is that I felt…hideous, physically. Yes, yesterday I was…
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Thieves with Ladders
I’ve always had a more than healthy dose of “stranger danger.” So locking doors is a favorite past time, as well as worrying, fruitlessly, about the “bad guys” and how surely they’re coming for me. Call me Negative Nancy, I’ll answer in the affirmative, call me Worrying Wendy, I’ll say, hey wassup? Call me Paranoid…
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Kids Go To Sleep: Cats Go Outside
I’m just about to enrage parents everywhere and it’s going to be my most glorious accomplishment to date! It’s going be my pleasure as a childless 30-something to make claims and accusations! Here’s my thesis: when I try to put my cats outside at night, it’s just as hard as parents trying to get their kids to…
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Inbound Marketing: Schooling Newbie Facebook Sales People
If you’ve ever been anywhere in the remote vicinity of that twisted social wasteland Facebook, you’ll have noticed that your friends and family are all selling something with absolute abandon and no shame. Whenever I view my feed it’s filled with loud people all shouting: BUY MY XYZ PRODUCT! MESSAGE ME NOW!! IT’S AMAZING! IT’S…
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Like Me, Oh Please Like Me!
Ok we’re getting a little desperate around these parts lately in the “tone” of our posts. Note to self, stop being disgusting! haha. I kid! I want you guys to like my new Facebook page! I need 30 likes before I can pick my own url etc, so get over there and help a sister…
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Winner! And My V-Day Poem Explained!
So, amazingly, somehow, don’t ask me how, the winner of my raffle is Jocelyn Dex! I swear to you guys on everything I hold dear that I didn’t rig this thing! I just hit the button for Rafflecopter to let me know who the winner was and her name literally popped up. So, congrats Jocelyn! …
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Imagine a Sexy Raging Frat Party
Sexy, scandalous and…crazy. Let me take you on a journey in your imagination: Imagine a raging Halloween party at a dirty frat. Imagine a small college party at an apartment just off campus, smoke billowing through the air from a glass pipe as you inhale and exhale, coughing, suddenly lightheaded and…free. Imagine playing asshole with…
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From the Business End of a Loaded Handgun
Hello All, in honor of my book being available for purchase today on Amazon, here, I wanted to share this serious post about Suicide as this is one of the themes that is dealt with in my novel. Now whatever you do, do not look up suicide on google images like I just did, there…
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I’m Just a Day Away!
Hi all, just a quick update. I’m really excited because I’m very close to publishing my novel. I’m doing a final reading now to catch any last formatting, grammatical or other errors and then I’m uploading my novel! I can’t believe I’ve come this far. Stay tuned and I’ll let you know when it’s finally…
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This Season of USA is Lit!
These writers on this season of the USA are doing a bang up job keeping us on the edge of our seats! Let’s just hope they’re not like the writers for LOST! Buckle up for some existential rambling DREAD below! (Don’t worry, it’s…
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The Happy Forgotten Place Where Plastic Lives: The Landfill
Remember that place the so-called Landfill? I know you’re like…”What? No? What place? I don’t recall anything like that.” (All said while avoiding eye contact). Well, I’m here to point your attention in the direction of your local landfill, filled not with LAND…
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This is Why We’re All Overweight
I’ve done a little thinking on the topic and I’ve come up with several reason why we’re all overweight and continue to gain the old lbs. The equation looks something like this: unhappiness + depression + meaninglessness + boredom + our modern culture…
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What Kind of Strange Godforsaken Place is This?
So, if you’re new to this site, like an intrepid (love this word) space traveler who has stumbled upon a strange and clearly godforsaken (also love this word) alien world, you might begin to ask yourself, what the hell kind of place is this? What does it mean! By god, Captain Kirk, where are we???!!! …
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26 Ways Cats Gleefully and Shamelessly Annoy Humans
As much as I love cats, I also realize that they are insane. Much like me. (I’m already turning into a crazy cat lady who wants to talk about her cat ALL the time. It’s like G (Bitey) is my child. Seriously.) So cats in general like to do things that are the complete opposite…
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The Many, Many, Many Things That Bring The Too Funny Chicks Angst
Are you ready for an angst-fest? Wanna get angst-tastic? My pals/gals over at Too Funny Chicks agreed to write a guest blog post for me and decided to share with my readers their “angst” and of course…you’re gonna laugh and you’re gonna nod your head because some of this stuff gives you heart palpitations and…
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Wife Competitions of Which We are Unaware
This title just gets me. It’s like backward. Anyway…don’t get it into your little sick heads that this is about wife swapping or anything so scandalous as all that. Although of course that’s the first place my sick little head went as I wrote this even though I know what I’m going to write about. …
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Decoy Duck
I have a new friend and he’s a decoy duck. He’s old and his black paint is wearing off. He’s sort of cool, if you’re into that kind of thing, although he doesn’t have a fancy paint job or racing stripes. He’s a pretty plain guy and my cat tries to body slam him on…
Angst Anarchy 