Screw You Credit Card Nation

It seems like every time I go anywhere these days I’m offered a $%&*@ credit card.  Do you know how this enrages me?! It does! I want to have a normal enjoyable shopping experience but when it comes time to check out, you have to basically fight off the cashier trying to shove a store credit card into your wallet. It feels like these cashiers are dealing in high pressure drugs or something.  “You want it? I got the goods, you know you want it.  You can save 10% on every purchase. You can spend money you haven’t even earned yet, on shit you don’t need! I’ve got the intravenous connection to someone else’s money you’ve been waiting for.  No you don’t have to pay it back!” *hides the fine print*

There are so many reasons that this enrages me into a flaming tower of righteousness. First off, it’s extremely lame to me that every damn business out there thinks, “Hey, we’re not making enough profits on actually SELLING SHIT (which is our main purpose for being) let’s also try to get people into massive debt by forcing high interest credit cards into their wallets (basically a reverse pickpocket scheme that ends up with the same loss of cash)!  YEA!”  I feel like the devil is telling them to do this.  High interest rate credit cards are the devil’s candy and these stores are luring the unsuspecting innocents to their doom.  Seriously, guys, WAKE UP!!  This shit is happening and it’s TOTES LEGAL!

Secondly, why would I want YOUR shitty credit card over a regular shitty credit card? Oh, I can save 10%?! OH REALLY?!  I can save 15% on this purchase and 10% going forward?! REALLY, CAN I?!  Can I also earn shitty lame “REWARDS”?  CAN I?!?! YIPPEE!! Guess what, that 10% you saved, you’re gonna pay 20% later when you don’t pay your credit card off every month because you spent money you didn’t have.  And guess whose laughing all the way to the bank? Yup, that goddamned sleazy retailer.

One of the worst offenders in my opinion is Kohls.  Every time I go there, they try to shove their credit card down my throat in a rude and annoying manner.  Every time I say NO, they keep pushing and pushing. I had one rude cashier who wouldn’t take no for an answer.  She just kept going on and on and basically trying to belittle me and give me shit for not wanting their stupid credit card.  It made my shopping experience miserable.

I think most people out there know that credit exists (if not, where have these people been living?)  Therefore, if they wanted it, they would seek it out.  Stop trying to pressure people into it! I’m sure there are some people who are more open to suggestion who just sign up for all kinds of credit cards and thus owe a shit ton of money.

I feel bad for these people because I’m sure credit can be like a drug, or at least shopping can be and credit is just the vehicle (a la the needle or drug dealer).  It’s like offering someone a beer at the register who’s an alcoholic. COME ON DUDE, TAKE THE DRINK!!  I’ll let you save 10% on your order!! and later I’ll screw you by making you pay 2x for this item.  You know you want to!!! Plus we, the company don’t give a #%$&* about you, in fact we hate you and only want your money.  Take the drink! I hope your life sucks!

It’s gotten so bad that even my bank is in on the game.  I can’t even go and cash a check in peace without them saying, “We notice you don’t have an XYZ credit card, would you like to sign up?  It’s a rewards card, BLAH BLAH BLAH.” It’s like, really?  Even at the bank, I have to fight off your credit card advances?!  WHAT THE HELL!!  Is no place sacred anymore?!  I feel like the only 2 places I buy things that don’t try to force a credit card on you is the grocery store and the gas station self serve pump and I’m sure they’ll get in on the game soon enough.

I feel violated every where else I go and it makes me absolutely hate these people pushing this shit, even though I know they are being forced to by the company.  I loathe the entire thing.  I cringe and feel dirty when I’m fighting them off.  NO I DON’T WANT IT!! BACK OFF!!

Cause they don’t accept a simple no the first time. They keep yapping about what you could get. I want to raise my voice and say, “let me speak to your store manager!” and then say, “You JERK!!  Stop forcing credit cards on people that don’t need or want them! Why don’t you tell the truth in your little spiel? Why don’t you mention how high the interest rate is?  Why don’t you explain what a high interest rate means? Instead of pushing the old CC why don’t you actively go out and screw some little old lady or depressed 20-something of their hard earned cash by forcibly taking their damn money from their pockets? This little CC scheme of yours is basically the same thing, amounting to trickery, stealing and preying on the weak and uninformed? Why don’t you and your company go F-off! and LEAVE ME and everyone else ALONE!”

I get so enraged at checkout that I want to curse out the employee trying to push this shit, which I realize isn’t fair but seems like the only option in the minute while I’m getting fired up.  It’s like…put somewhere in your records that I do not want your craptastic credit card and NEVER NEVER ask me that again or I am taking my business elsewhere FOREVER! And I’m taking my friends and family too!  And I fully plan on blogging about this shit! I will blacken your damn name with all 5 of my followers!!

I want to say…Okay, I get asked this damn question about credit EVERY time I come here and EACH AND EVERY time I’ve said NO, do I really need to continue to play this game with you?  When will you get the point!?! I want to jump in and stop them even before they start their little patter and say, I hate salesman, I hate your sleazy forcing ways, I don’t want to hear what you have to say because even if you said this entire store was free I still wouldn’t sign up for your stupid credit card.

Speaking of Salesmen have you noticed that it seems like they have no soul?!  Seriously, it seems that way. I’m sorry to offend any salesmen (people) out there who actually do have a soul, but I gotta say that in general when I see that fake salesman smile, their slippery ways and those glassy eyes that refuse to notice social and body language cues, I get enraged and livid.  Salespeople are so lame.  They attempt to trick you into buying shoddy shit.  They are just as bad as the credit cards.  Where I work we have several slippery types that stop by now and then and they’re so nasty! This one guy always brings me a Kit Kat. It’s like bribery and he has this shit-eating little smile while doing it! They are literally doing the devil’s work. How can they live with themselves? Plus, the joke’s on him, I have nothing to do with buying shit from his type! HAHA!

It makes me shudder just to think of them and their cold eyes and lifeless smiles! Sometimes the cashiers start to get this look about them when forcing the credit cards.  The whole thing is so devoid of actual caring or emotion and the aim is so obviously monetary and taking advantage of people that it’s disgusting. Humanity at its absolute worst. CHARLATANS!!! HYPOCRITES!!  LIARS!!

People, we’ve got to make this shit stop!  How can we tell retailers that this isn’t appropriate or wanted? How can I have a pleasant shopping experience once again without dreading the checkout?  I realize these assholes are all about making money, apparently no matter what the societal cost but this is too much! The whole idea of credit cards is to screw people out of their money in a rude way.  It’s not like people really use credit cards to get out of a bind.  They don’t help you get your life back on track. They help you go more and more into debt.  They’re helping (i.e. tricking) people into making irresponsible choices.

I know there are lots and lots of people out there who are basically slaves to their credit card bills. And are they responsible for making poor choices? Sure they are, but at the same time, they were pushed and pushed by these companies and it’s hard to fight it off when they try to make it seem so appealing with no downside that’s obvious.  It’s not until you’re too far into debt that you realize it’s a huge huge problem. This is the strong preying on the weak!  This is a goddamned David and Goliath story people!!!  I want to take a slingshot to these retailers and credit card companies.  Right between the eyes, big boy, and down ya go.  BOOYA!

P.S. Don’t you love it when I rant? I get really…sarcastic and sort of weirdly funny when I get on a bender. That shit just FLOWS from my rage.  It’s glorious. I wish  got in a rage more often. What else can I get fired up about???