My Story of Panic: Angst

I’ve described my panic attacks, anxiety and subsequent depression in many different ways over the 20 years I’ve battled my inner demons. Sometimes it is as an adversary, sometimes as a curse or monster, sometimes as my burden, my craziness, even my mental defect. My monster resorts to name calling, low self-esteem, secrets and shame. It’s always amazing to me every time my heart throbs wildly and my mind races with obsessive thoughts that a mental defect or burden can be so gut-wrenchingly physical in manifestation. The mind is powerful.

“I’ve lost myself behind the panic. I cannot see my reflection any longer. And as it takes over my brain, I know I am helpless to argue. I thought I was stronger than the monster. But it lives within me; it is a parasite and I am the host. I feed it unknowingly and in return it consumes my brain…