I Solved Climate Change and Silenced the Alien Laughter

Yup, you heard it here first, I have, with my puny little brain, solved Climate Change in one fell swoop (what does that mean?).  I’m for serious right now (I love saying that). For realz.

It’s essentially pretty simple and is called: Working from Home. If I asked it as a question and you said yes, then you too have solved Climate Change.  Or we will solve it, very soon.  Maybe. If we can get my boss on board.

Here’s the gist of the idea. If everyone who could worked from home every single day, we’d reduce emissions a shit ton (that’s a technical term). Think about it, every day people around the world are traveling to dumb offices with dumb commutes. Why? Do we, or do we not have this awesome thing called the internet super highway which is actually far superior and uses less emissions than the actual tarred lame bumper to bumper super-slow highway?

The answer to that lengthy convoluted sentence is that YES, we have something called the interwebs or the WWW which can connect people from across the globe from their own LIVING ROOM.  WHOA!!! I know your mind has just exploded inside your head. I’ll wait while you clean up a bit.  And I’ll wait for your boss to stop choking over the idea of you working from your living room in your skivvies.

Thus, I could be doing a job from my house via the internet (because you know, I can access documents online, I can send emails, I can pretty much do everything I need to do). I know, this is staggering for you to comprehend. But yes, we  are no longer tied to actual desks or we don’t NEED to be. We have desktops, laptops, tablets and phones AT HOME. We have so many means of staying connected that we’re never apart from the nourishing umbilicus of the web.

But what we have refused to accept is that we have this technology and the old outdated idea of coming into an office every day is now useless and stupid. Why should we travel back and forth, back and forth, BACK AND FUCKING FORTH every-damn-day to an office that we really don’t need to be occupying and are thus killing the environment with our stupid car? After all, I have to heat my house anyway in the winter to keep the pipes from freezing and yet no one is there. Maybe if I worked there and not at my office building, they could consolidate office spaces and thus use less energy to heat these stupid office buildings.

We need to revolutionize the way we work. Supervisors and Managers need to realize that employees do not need to be tied to a desk for 8 hours per day in order to accomplish their work. As long as the work is accomplished in a timely manner and is of good quality, that’s all that matters. Why should I sit here for 8 hours, regardless of how much work there is to accomplish?

We all know (Yes you too, ADMIT!!) that EVERY single job has downtime now and then, and yet we still have to drive to the office and sit there.  Aliens are laughing. I don’t know how many times I have to say this…but aliens think we’re hilarious. We’re on their comedy central channel and they think we’re LOL or even LMAO funny. At the water cooler they say to each other, “Have you seen the episode about the dumb humans driving back and forth to work every day for days on end and sitting at a computer for 8 hours per day, regardless of how much work they have to do? HAHAHAHA.”

In my opinion, if an employee is at home and is readily available to any question/concern/task, then why does it matter if they’re not at the office?

I realize that this doesn’t work for every industry and that there are times when face to face meetings are better than email, phone or even Skype. However, it could work for a lot of us.  Let’s say it works for 35% of the work force. That’s still a lot (shit-ton to be exact) of reduced emissions!!

And yes, I know (quit riding me!) there are slugs out there who wouldn’t accomplish their work and would get caught up in the day time soaps or whatever, but you just FIRE those people when it’s not working out and start fresh.  BUT…and that’s a big BUT…admit that there are so many slugs out there (physically) in the office cubicle jungle everyday and they commuted just so they could slug around the office with their sliminess!  ADMIT I’m RIGHT!!! They wasted fossil fuels and are killing the planet just to annoy you and not do any work.

Anyway, I think this is genius. Plus there are so many studies out there that show that people are happier when they work from home. I realize that some of you might go stark raving made with your need to get in some socializing, but I’m sorry, that’s on you! Just do your work and call it good. No more car emissions. No more heating that dumb office building or powering all the lights and useless copy and fax machines. If we could do this…we might just save the planet. I’m serious. I’m soooo serious. I know I joke a lot but I’m not joking. This could work.  Plus I’d really like to work from home and stop commuting everyday. Plus I’m really concerned about the aliens laughing at us. It makes me feel self-conscious.

Can you guys please share this so that we can start a revolution? We need to get some bosses on board.  I’d like to change my work address to a WWW address. Please?

And speaking of saving the environment via what YOU can do, here’s a nice handy-dandy list from Huffington Post: 7 Facts that Prove your Day to Day Choices Can Have An Environmental Impact